Why is it so difficult?
Through the throngs of people, I watch you sleep. Only for a while, a few seconds, but moments nonetheless. the eyes that I used to kiss tenderly, the hands I used to hold. the hair I used to pull and tug teasingly, the arms that once warmed me from the cold. the shoulders a past resting place, the body which shielded me from storms. the mouth which once promised me, the mind which once shared so much.
So near, yet so far. So familiar, yet so remote. Invisible walls, locked doors.
It was strange seeing you there like that today. I couldn’t help but feel something was going on right in front of me, and yet… I was relegated to some insignificant corner of another world, of no choice of mine. On the outside, looking in. Always on the outside, looking in.
Once again, I am reminded of the way it has always been. You are like the sun; shining for everyone and anyone. larger than life. burning, attracting. always revolving, always evolving. Me, I am like the north star; a weak but steady unflickering light. left behind in the darkness, usually easily missed. I guide lost travellers to the right direction, but once they find their way, I am forgotten.
You got up. Left. And as the train pulled away, taking me further and further from you with each passing second, all I could do was to sit unmovingly, tightly clutching the bouquet of flowers that weren’t meant for me, valiantly fighting back the tears that threatened to spill, and feeling the pain – fresh and in torrents, as if it has only just been yesterday when my world crumbled into pieces.