isn’t it sad how sometimes in life we have to make decisions that we really do not want to make, and we have to choose the option that we least want to choose? and when we finally make that choice for our own good, we realise that that very step cause us to feel unhappy but there is no other way out than to simply let whatever feelings run through us and hope that they will dissipate before they destroy us.

since the decision has been made, what follows are only results of that action. i would like to think that the pros outweigh the cons and i will be a happier person for that. but it does not seem to be that way, or perhaps this is still the period of [for the lack of a better word] suffering. after so long it still is. is life never easy, or do we make it hard for ourselves?

it hurts, so much, when we know that at the end of the day our intuition is right, that our suspicions have always been right, and that despite it all, we want to believe in the better things that could happen but we are wrong.

these weeks i am filled with that strong need to move to another country but i didn’t understand why. maybe now i do but that knowledge does not make anything easier. i can run but i cannot hide, that’s the way it is for everyone of us. ignorance is definitely bliss and i really wish that my memory can be erased, like joel barrish of eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. i really really wish it can be so.

how happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!/ the world forgetting, by the world forgot/ eternal sun-shine of the spotless mind!/ each pray’r accepted, and each wish resign’d.

end of my verbal diarrhea, may i return to singapore a happier person.


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