… and forgetting is so long.
have i ever came to this thought before? not that i remember, no, not even with ichitaka. this very serious, weighty thought that..
.. if i have a choice, i wish we never met. never wanted, never needed, never loved, never happened. never laughed together, never teased each other, never gotten close, never did anything ever. never spent time, never stopped time, never shared moments, never made memories – all these written with..
.. no bitterness this time, only sadness and pain. you see..
.. if we never met, this wouldn’t have happened. then life would be so much easier. for you, for me, for people around us. but because we did, then, right now, and forevermore, i am haunted, and you, i don’t know how you’re feeling now. the memories, they enter my mind at the most inopportune moments – all the time. i fight tears, all the time. i fight me, all the time. forgetting is so long. your smile, your words, you – they flash in to my heart and refuse to leave. but love is so short. i want to forget, but i cannot. i want to shake everything off, dust them off my body, but i cannot. so because..
.. it is hard to move with all the heaviness, i try to suppress them. and because i try suppressing them, they come out in the worst way possible when they do escape, hurting you in the process. and that is the last thing i want. with the heaviness, and suppressed feelings, and your words and actions now, i am not me.
“you are carved into my heart,” you once said. and now..
.. my heart is being carved into pieces. nails to my hands, and a knife to my heart.
outside, it is raining. in my heart, it is pouring.
tell me why..
.. your love is so short, yet my forgetting is so long.