Open The Floodgates

the bright light shone on his cheeks, creating grooves and shadows across his face as he swayed to the music. his jacket swished around gently, his fingers clamped confidently onto the microphone as he led the rest in singing. i stood a distance away from the stage, looking, no, staring unblinkingly at him. it felt as though someone punched me hard in my stomach. my mind whirled days weeks months past, crazily shakily back and forth the mobius strip.

he looks exactly like how i imagine you will look in three years’ time.

i wonder what you are doing right now; if you are smiling in your sleep, or in your car driving somewhere, if you are having a meal indoors safe from the rain, if you are holding or being held, if you are being loved.

what a change two hours brought in me – and in those hidden moments there resides a pain from the past, the intensity slashes through my self bringing back all the heartbreak the memories the tears. i think i was there but i was not. there was the speaker, there was my friend, and there were all the people. i was there yet i was not, and it was because of you, him, you, up there on the stage.

today service hurts so bad, in such a different way.

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