Waiting

do you know?

there is pain in love, and there is fear from knowledge. how does one do it – this.. wretched thing? i could never understand. nobody i asked was able to provide me with any answers, and those whom i thought can help turned out to be just as clueless about it as i am. when one possesses a mind that zooms from A to J skipping by the many steps in-between wildly, and a heart that has felt one too many heartbreaks in its lifetime, where does strength come in to push a person forward and not allow him to track back in hesitation or go round and round and round in scared little crazed neurotic circles? this place seems so grey now, where, a couple of days ago, it was bursting with colours. the mind darkened the clouds in record time, with help from silence, avoidance and societal views. i know, i know, this societal factor shouldn’t even come into play, yet the pressure building from all sides is too great to deal with it alone. i can’t see it i can’t see it and i ask the thousand questions, not yet, where are we going? the greyness and misty fog seem to have blurred the years ahead yet i want to know i want to know, can there be, at least, an unofficial mandate? how do relationships evolve how does time move people? i ache for the inner peace others speak of know of desire. inner peace and confidence in believing that will make my our lives so much easier to live breathe eat and it is you who can help me with this. my hunger grows but there is no food and we need to talk but i don’t know how to start and you are not here.

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