Too Many Thoughts

there is supposed to be something else in place here. candy-coloured pictures, happy stories which people will find easy to read, perhaps countless photographs of me in similar poses, plus minus x degrees of angling. afterall, those are what draw readers in in this superficial voyeuristic online community, but it seems that i am not one to bend over backwards in the pursuit of ‘fame’ and ‘stardom’ which is inherent in many blogs these days.

far be it for me to discount the power and influence of new social media, especially since i have witnessed, with my own eyes, the way people’s lives changed drastically with the help/’help’ of said media, but no, no, this place cannot be what i am not.

faced with this page, i have, on several counts lately, mechanically typed on about fun things i have done which deserved fun entries but for the life of me, i could not dredge up the same energy and emotions as when the incidents happened. with each try, i feel myself fading, withdrawing into my self, i become disinclined to write a word further, so it is best for myself and everyone that some things should never see the light of day the internet world.

right now, i would like things, people to go back to how they were in the past, but how can they, ever? too many thoughts have been running though my mind – swifter than i can type out, fleeting as dreams. unable to hold them in place, i write my stories in the burning tears that fall at night, in the tentative smiles bestowed to loved ones, in the deep recesses of my mind, whenever.

there is sadness in this post, maybe you cannot sense it, but it does not matter.

so ultimately this entry is about nothing, yet about almost everything dear that i hold on to.

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