If my grand total of 1 reader has not already noticed, my recent entries have been nothing but text. It was not intentional, but ended up being (now).
The past 2 years, there were so many times I had wished to pour my self out in this place, but couldn’t. Because of that, I suppressed the thoughts, forced them into a little box at a corner of my mind, and tried not to think about them. Eventually, the little box got too full, the thoughts spilled out, and stunted me in unexpected ways. Offline, I lost my “K” (Sputnik Sweetheart reference) – the one person I could talk to about everything and anything – to Reality and had to, not of my choice, stop sharing. The several attempts to connect hurt so much, I simply stopped.. everything. Stopped thinking, stopped feeling (or at least tried to), stopped questioning. Online, social media was destroying my English Language, my thought process, and my faith in beautiful people, thus crippling me further.
I realised I have lost the ability to express myself. Not just that. I have also lost the ability to speak and write properly. My punctuation marks are all over the place; I invent words of my own; my grammar has gone to the dogs; I keep analysing my sentences…
To lessen the misery in me, I have started to write again. Be kind (about my bad English, and to me). For friends, ask me what I mean if you really want to know the ongoings in my life. For those who do not know me well, read on as you may read a fiction novel. Do not assume you know who or what I am referring to in my posts; it will do you nothing good. For those who do not know me at all, welcome here. This blog is only a small part of me; it is not all that I am.
I must think. I must think and I must write, or my soul will dry up and die.